Painting Works

The final stretch (well, almost ) of renovation works will be starting tomorrow.

The family is now packing up stuff, removing furniture from the walls, and chucking everything under our beds and tables. Mummy is mad again. As usual. She keeps telling me to tidy up and keep my things but the problem is that there is no space for me to keep my stuff (which are mostly books that I can’t get rid off).

For the past 3 weeks, what have I done?

Nothing much.

Yes really. Nothing. But at least, I tried to make myself feel happier. TRIED. I don’t think I’m suffering from any depression yet, but soon, maybe, if one day I stop getting hold of myself and let myself go crazy. But in the meanwhile, I’m trying not to think too much about depressing stuff, while doing more of things that I like or things that can get me distracted from those negative thoughts.

Things like, drawing. To me, drawing is something I love and hate. Sometimes I feel like drawing something, but I have no inspiration of what to draw, and sometimes I think I shouldn’t even be allowed to hold a pencil because my drawing sucks, there are much BETTER artists in the world than me. But sometimes, when I start drawing, time seems to pass very fast. It’s like I’ve entered another realm, where it’s just me, a piece of paper, and a pen. A pen because I prefer quick drawings with pens. I’ve tried charcoal, but charcoal makes a mess. Imagine having to clean up the charcoal “particles” on your desk after you draw.

Another thing that keeps me distracted is surfing the net. I don’t use facebook much, especially the one with 400+ “Friends” because I don’t like seeing how happy other peoples’ lives are, while I’m struggling here, not knowing what to do in my life. I don’t like to see fake people who update about their charity or voluntary work and basically showing off the good things they have done. I mean, why do you even need to tell everyone what you’ve done, just to show off??? Like, taking photos with poor kids suffering in developing countries. hello, you’re supposed to be busy helping them as much as you can, not camwhoring and then posting your photos for everyone else to see, while the kids probably don’t even have internet. There are also people (ahem, my aunt) who talk to themselves on facebook, or they throw some profound quotes, act yi ge cheem can.

Probably it’s just me who don’t like these kind of attention. I find people terribly fake online.

I can understand if you’re like me, blogging in your blog right now, because a blog is like an online diary, so it’s inevitable if you talk to yourself and do some self-reflection. But on facebook?? And Instagram omg. People write things like “#ootd. ohmaigawd I’m so ugly and fat (insert tons of hashtags here) ” while wearing a tight-fitting dress. Puh-lease. Ugly = ME.

Anyway, my sis seems to be enjoying life right now. Everything seems to be going perfectly well for her. Grades, Friends, Appearance, Money, Job, etc. While I’m the opposite of her.

There’s not a day when I wake up feeling normal. I feel shitty everyday. Not suicidal shitty (i’m not THAT depressed. I still want to live), but I wake up everyday feeling like there’s no meaning to my life now, and I don’t know what to do. Perhaps this is what people call a “slump”. I’ve met a slump in my life.

So tomorrow we’re going for a staycation at a hotel while the painters arrive to do their works. As usual, my thrifty (or maybe TOO thrifty) parents decided to book a single room (room for 2), using the staycation voucher my sister won from some radio thingy. Room for 2 means that the four of us have to squeeze in one room. I hope it’s big enough, and not like the one in hotel81 where my mom had to sleep near the window and the toilet was horribly small. It was so small that the shower head was right above the toilet seat.

I’m definitely not exactly looking forward to the days to come, except seeing my newly painted walls. I hope the colour I chose will turn out fine. The walls in my room are currently pink (because it was used as the master bedroom before my parents decided to move to the next room due to fengshui issues), and the colour I chose is Latte (refer to picture below)

odourless

If I’m not wrong, my parents and sis chose Sweet Pink and Charming Lilac. The colours I hate most LOL. But whatever, it’s for their room, so let them be. When deciding on the colour, I thought about the colour of the furniture in my room. Those are mostly dark brown (wood), and my flooring is a beige-y wood, so I went for a colour that could match those two shades of brown. I wanted my room to have a sort of natural and relaxing “resort” kind of feel… LOL but my room isn’t nice enough to be a resort.

Well, let’s see how it goes!

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Skin Care!

This blog isn’t for any advertorials or beauty reviews, but for my true personal experiences, so for anyone having the same problem as me out there, just read on and hope this blog post will help you!

I’ve been suffering from acne since I started puberty, and for some unknown reason, I had VERY VERY VERY bad acne.

I always had bad acne when I was a teenager, and I used many acne products, including Oxy5, Tea Tree Oil (both pure and those from Body Shop), Clean & Clear (sucks, don’t buy them), AcneClear, etc, almost all types of products found in Watsons, but none worked for my cystic acne. I’ve also seen many doctors, including Maple clinic in Tampines and the National Skin Centre. Believe me, National Skin Centre doesn’t really help with your skin. For me at least. My complexion did not improve even when I booked an appointment with the Senior doctor there. In Sec 3, my mom signed me up for a skincare package at New York Skin Solutions, and THAT WAS MY ULTIMATE REGRET. The whole package was around $1000+, but it totally RUINED my skin. Every treatment, the beautician used a blackhead remover to remove all the blackheads on my face and squeezed every single pimple, it was so painful I cried and after every treatment, my face was SUPER RED. I remember feeling very embarrassed to walk out of the NYSC outlet every session because my whole face was swollen and red. The “recovery” process was terrible too. After every session, my face will be left with red welts all over, and on the 2nd day, those welts will be pus filled and new pimples would emerge. It was soooooo bad, there wasn’t any spot on my face without a pimple. My whole face was red and swollen and filled with pimples and pus and it was soooooo painful omg. I must really thank my tablemate and my bestfriends in Sec 3 who stayed by my side even though I look so gross.

One of my classmates used to have severe acne, a little more severe than mine, but I noticed that her complexion had improved dramatically, so one day I asked her for help and she introduced me to Dr Chiam, who has a clinic near Buona Vista.

From then on, my life changed. Dr Chiam prescribed Isotretinoin, which is a common medication for people with severe acne, and I had to have my cholesterol levels checked every now and then (via a blood test >< ouch) and he’d make you sign a contract — “No pregnancy” — because the medicine will affect your liver and somehow will affect your fetus too or something.

I was on this medicine for quite a few months, but the effects were amazing. My face became less oily, and in fact it became rather dry. I had to apply lip balm on my lips because they were drying out too. I had to stay away from the harsh sunlight and apply Retin A cream every night. The face wash I used was also from Dr Chiam’s clinic. The whole recovery process was really great, my pimples cleared up pretty fast, but as I still had uneven skin and breakouts, I had to be on medication for quite some time. The downside of this whole treatment was that Dr Chiam’s prices are very steep. Each consultation with medication totalled up to a few hundreds of dollars. (Poor parents have to pay for me T_T)

However, a few years after stopping medication, my pimples came back again, not like the old cystic acne, but its like those small pimples breaking out in masses on my forehead and cheeks and chin, so I went back to skin centre, hoping to find a cheaper cure, but to no avail.

Eventually I chanced upon Dr Tan who has a clinic in Kovan (you can easily search up his name and clinic). He’s a GP but he’s famous for his specialisation in skin problems. His consultation times are really short, it’s like less than 3 minutes and you’re done. He prescribed a face wash, isotretinoin again (but lower dosage) and some antibiotics, UDM cream (something like a moisturiser which is my holy grail now) and night Repair Cream. For the face wash, I’m not allowed to massage it on my face like usual face washes, but I have to dispense a little amount of it on my hands, lather it on my hands, then pat the foam on my face, pat pat pat pat pat, then wash with water, similarly, using the patting method. So there’s no rubbing involved at all.

As compared to Dr Chiam, Dr Tan’s treatment is for less severe acne because the medicine is milder, but his prices are much cheaper (but still expensive!). Nevertheless, I think it’s better to seek treatment for severe acne sooner before it leaves scars on your face! I’m quite glad that now my skin is in stable condition, and gone are the days with severe acne!

You know how people always think pimples are caused because you touch your face, you never wash your face, your hair is oily, you eat too much chili or sweet food….. nonononono sometimes people have pimples because they just HAVE! IDK whats the reason, probably genetic or due to hormones or something, but its not like I love touching my face with my dirty hands or I didn’t wash my face lol

Anyway, trust me, just go for Dr Chiam or Dr Tan if you need any desperate help with your acne problems. Be prepared to spend money though… but i guess it’s worth it, seeing how better skin can change your life!

Do leave a comment if you have any questions! ^_^

There are times I don’t feel like living anymore

Those times I just wish that someone would press a Stop button on my life and make me disappear forever

But I know there are people in this world struggling to live, people who would strive on to live even in harsh times, in conditions worser than mine

I believe everyone lives for a reason. Everyone has a role and a mission to complete in their lives. Once they complete this mission, they live…. and then they die.

I haven’t figured out what’s my mission yet.

But I don’t want to think.

These years I’ve been faking a smile most of the time. Repressing problems, that’s what I do to make myself happy, albeit temporarily.

KTV time

These days I’ve been looking for an internship or a temporary job, but to no avail. I haven’t been able to secure a temp job yet. Besides finding jobs, I’ve also been having a really good rest. Yesterday sis and I went for a 3-hour karaoke session at Teo Heng @ J-Cube, where I attempted an Ailee song but ended up sounding like a frog.

I also went for a haircut so I got my hair chopped off. It feels so good to have a change of hairstyle and I really love having a short bob! Makes washing and drying a lot easier. (:

End of Year 3

I had my final paper last thursday, and the following days were pretty much heaven for me. I drew and painted and slept to my heart’s content. Finally cleared my sleep debt but I think too much sleep had made me suffer from mild headaches these days. Sis and I went shopping and I bought a pair of black platform sandals and a pair of slippers from Rubi. They were having a sale at $3 for a pair of slippers so I bought it. We also had lunch at Saizeriya where I ordered a fish-egg tuna pasta (which literally tasted like pasta cooked in tuna, but it was a little too salty and fishy for me, but my sis liked it).

Yesterday my mom, sis and I went on a short trip to Malaysia and we spent most of the money on food LOL. Heading to Malaysia on a weekday was much faster because there was no traffic and there were fewer people. Sis bought a chicken floss crepe. Then we went to Blackball to have our favorite dessert, which consisted of grass jelly, black pearls, yam balls, sweet potato balls, fresh milk and shaved ice (RM 9.00 excluding GST). We walked around for a short while, but there was nothing much to buy, so we went to have our favorite Penang Laksa at the basement level. It’s definitely a must-have food item whenever we travel to Malaysia. Trust me, it’s sooooooo good!

At around 5(?), we visited the local Pasar Malam across the street near KSL. It’s like the pasar malam we see in Singapore but the things they sell are more like the Taiwan Night Markets, mostly fruits, vegetables, fish and street food. You have to try the 虾饼 and 爱玉 there! The weather is also extremely warm, so do remember to bring along a cap!