The final stretch (well, almost ) of renovation works will be starting tomorrow.
The family is now packing up stuff, removing furniture from the walls, and chucking everything under our beds and tables. Mummy is mad again. As usual. She keeps telling me to tidy up and keep my things but the problem is that there is no space for me to keep my stuff (which are mostly books that I can’t get rid off).
For the past 3 weeks, what have I done?
Yes really. Nothing. But at least, I tried to make myself feel happier. TRIED. I don’t think I’m suffering from any depression yet, but soon, maybe, if one day I stop getting hold of myself and let myself go crazy. But in the meanwhile, I’m trying not to think too much about depressing stuff, while doing more of things that I like or things that can get me distracted from those negative thoughts.
Things like, drawing. To me, drawing is something I love and hate. Sometimes I feel like drawing something, but I have no inspiration of what to draw, and sometimes I think I shouldn’t even be allowed to hold a pencil because my drawing sucks, there are much BETTER artists in the world than me. But sometimes, when I start drawing, time seems to pass very fast. It’s like I’ve entered another realm, where it’s just me, a piece of paper, and a pen. A pen because I prefer quick drawings with pens. I’ve tried charcoal, but charcoal makes a mess. Imagine having to clean up the charcoal “particles” on your desk after you draw.
Another thing that keeps me distracted is surfing the net. I don’t use facebook much, especially the one with 400+ “Friends” because I don’t like seeing how happy other peoples’ lives are, while I’m struggling here, not knowing what to do in my life. I don’t like to see fake people who update about their charity or voluntary work and basically showing off the good things they have done. I mean, why do you even need to tell everyone what you’ve done, just to show off??? Like, taking photos with poor kids suffering in developing countries. hello, you’re supposed to be busy helping them as much as you can, not camwhoring and then posting your photos for everyone else to see, while the kids probably don’t even have internet. There are also people (ahem, my aunt) who talk to themselves on facebook, or they throw some profound quotes, act yi ge cheem can.
Probably it’s just me who don’t like these kind of attention. I find people terribly fake online.
I can understand if you’re like me, blogging in your blog right now, because a blog is like an online diary, so it’s inevitable if you talk to yourself and do some self-reflection. But on facebook?? And Instagram omg. People write things like “#ootd. ohmaigawd I’m so ugly and fat (insert tons of hashtags here) ” while wearing a tight-fitting dress. Puh-lease. Ugly = ME.
Anyway, my sis seems to be enjoying life right now. Everything seems to be going perfectly well for her. Grades, Friends, Appearance, Money, Job, etc. While I’m the opposite of her.
There’s not a day when I wake up feeling normal. I feel shitty everyday. Not suicidal shitty (i’m not THAT depressed. I still want to live), but I wake up everyday feeling like there’s no meaning to my life now, and I don’t know what to do. Perhaps this is what people call a “slump”. I’ve met a slump in my life.
So tomorrow we’re going for a staycation at a hotel while the painters arrive to do their works. As usual, my thrifty (or maybe TOO thrifty) parents decided to book a single room (room for 2), using the staycation voucher my sister won from some radio thingy. Room for 2 means that the four of us have to squeeze in one room. I hope it’s big enough, and not like the one in hotel81 where my mom had to sleep near the window and the toilet was horribly small. It was so small that the shower head was right above the toilet seat.
I’m definitely not exactly looking forward to the days to come, except seeing my newly painted walls. I hope the colour I chose will turn out fine. The walls in my room are currently pink (because it was used as the master bedroom before my parents decided to move to the next room due to fengshui issues), and the colour I chose is Latte (refer to picture below)
If I’m not wrong, my parents and sis chose Sweet Pink and Charming Lilac. The colours I hate most LOL. But whatever, it’s for their room, so let them be. When deciding on the colour, I thought about the colour of the furniture in my room. Those are mostly dark brown (wood), and my flooring is a beige-y wood, so I went for a colour that could match those two shades of brown. I wanted my room to have a sort of natural and relaxing “resort” kind of feel… LOL but my room isn’t nice enough to be a resort.
Well, let’s see how it goes!