Self-Love

I’ve never dated before.

Even at the age of 26.

I’ve never had the urge to go out and date, even though I’m pretty sure I would say yes if someone asks me out (but no one did).

Initially I was still brushing it off and saying that I don’t need a guy, but at this age, my friends are all married and settled down and the constant probing from my mum to rush me for marriage makes me feel pretty worthless. Unwanted. Un-loved.

2019 has been quite a rough start for me. At work, no matter how hard I tried to be a good teacher, things backfire and problems occur. I find myself getting frustrated and annoyed over trivial matters but I just can’t help it. Even I’m annoyed with myself.

I start to question myself: Is this part of quarter-life crisis or the onset of mild depression… or?

(Updates)

I just did a self-test for depression online and most of the items relate to me. My final score was an 8 out of 23 so I would say it’s still pretty mild and the results suggested that I could be going through some pretty rough time but things will *hopefully* get better.

On my way to self-love then. I should purchase some dried flowers for myself. No girl needs a man to buy her flowers when she can afford to buy on her own.

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Last day of 2018

2018 has been pretty smooth-sailing and I’m really thankful for that.

While travelling in taiwan, I thought a lot about what I really wanted to do and decided to start on things I have been procrastinating on. Something that I have always wanted to do but too lazy to start on was Yoga, and so I signed up for a yoga package online one day and dragged myself for my first Yoga lesson. Turned out that I actually enjoyed it and felt ‘healthier’ (not much in actual fact since I’m only doing it once a week – but a good start nevertheless).

I plan to travel more in 2019. While in Taiwan, there were many occasions when I was scared or afraid of trying something out – even simple things like crossing a bridge scared the hell out of me. But after taking my first step out, my fear dissipated and I felt like there wasn’t much to be afraid of in the first place. I just needed to step out of my comfort zone. Do more things. Meet more people. Talk more.

As for work, I just received my timetable for next year, pretty nervous but excited to take on another challenge. I pray every day for strength to pull through and guide me through the day.

I hope 2019 will be more awesome than ever. I pray for everyone’s health and happiness.

HBD

Happy 25th to myself :)

As usual, every year, I will listen to this special song on 30th March.

This year I found 2 other songs that are so relatable to me – IU’s Palette and Song Jieun’s 25

 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY :)

Got my driving license!

I finally got my driving license after 8 months(?) I took by BTT in dec 2016, FTT in jan 2017 and then proceeded with about 7 months of driving lessons. It took quite long due to my schedule and my inability to estimate distances.

The driving test was hella nerve-wracking and scary. I was so nervous I didn’t manage to start up my car properly. So embarrassing.

During the test, I made quite a few mistakes which I shouldn’t but I was surprised at myself being able to park my car properly.

But anyway, I’ve got my license!!! woohoo!!! I was so scared because my $320 was at stake…

Time flies too fast

It’s almost June.

And I haven’t done anything much.

Last week I was down with fever, flu and sore throat, my fever couldn’t subside for days and I was just drowsy and sleepy most of the time. I’ve recovered since then and 2 days ago I was told to go back to school to clear my stuff because the workroom will be undergoing revamp. It was quite heart-warming to see all my colleagues again, to feel that sense of familiarity as I stepped into the staffroom. Nevertheless, I still want to enjoy my holidays – I will be back in school soon and this will take me through the next few years so I better not say I miss going to school now.

End of NIE Sem 1

I’ve been waiting for this day!!!!

Finally, my first semester at NIE has come to an end. Just a few weeks ago, I had the busiest time of my life, rushing through 2 assignments in 3 days, and there seemed to be a never-ending list of assignments/projects/microteaching/presentations to do! I’m glad I survived!

 

What life?

These few weeks have been super busy! I didn’t even know I’ll be in for this!

To think that last week was the busiest that I could be…

I slept at 4am last night this morning, trying to finish up my presentation slides, lesson plans and my TML assignment. The reason why I stayed up that late was because after 12am, I became more awake and I decided to take the chance to do more work cos I’m usually very groggy in the morning.

This week would be 10times worse ):

Wake me up when September ends

September has been really crazy so far.

On the 1st of September, my family flew to Taiwan because my sis was going for exchange at NTU. My parents tagged along and the three of them visited the tourist attractions at different areas in Taiwan. That weekend I came back from Hall and it felt quite sad because no one was at home. Of course I had the freedom to do whatever I wanted, but with all the work I had to do, I was feeling kinda emo too.

That week was crazy because I had to rush through 2 assignments, one of which was rejected by my tutor (after I spent my weekends slogging on that), and I had to re-do the entire thing and ended up staying up till 2.30am every day during that week. GESL didn’t go too well that week too, so I was really really stressed out.

Anyway, I managed to submit my assignments on time, thankfully, and sorted out some GESL issues. And on Friday, I joined the BTs for bbq and spent the long weekend sleeping at home. I knew I had a lot of deadlines coming up but, yeah, sleep is more important. I felt like I really needed this break.

Adapting

I’ve moved into my dorm for about a week or so. Last week zoomed past pretty fast cos everything was new to me. Lessons are starting too, my timetable looks like a hectic mess now. But my SS mods haven’t started yet, so I expect my days at NIE to be a lot worse. A LOT BUSIER.

So about my dorm, it’s actually nicer than I expected it to be, having been to Hall 2 once. Hall 16 is also very near NIE so technically speaking, I can wake up just 10 mins before lesson starts (of course I won’t. Everyone goes for lessons SO MUCH EARLIER HERE). Facilities-wise, there’s a gym downstairs but I haven’t had a chance to use it because I haven’t brought my running shoes here. The hall canteen is quite disappointing after I bought a disgusting peanut-butter-coated-la-mian-in-tom-yum-soup thingie for lunch. That was horrible. Staying in hall really makes me appreciate the convenience and comfort I have at home. This is especially true for a lazy person like me. I dread refilling my bottle or even going to the washroom because it means I have to walk to the end of the corridor to do so.

At times I feel quite lonely here, there’s only my cousin and I. And my sis will be flying off to Taiwan in about 2 weeks’ time.

And then there are so many assignments and readings. READINGS. I’m basically suffocating under the amount of readings I have. But these days I’ve been receiving instavids from my ex-students, which really cheer me up! HIM-NAE!

Can’t wait to go home tomorrow. I’m having cramps now and I’m running out of pads. Save Me.